Last-Minute Workplace Gifts

dreamstime_staffparty I have had my share of the corporate workplace experience and was happy to wave it goodbye. But some scars endure…

Let me state up front that most of my colleagues were charming and pleasant people with whom I would be happy to be trapped in a lift (for a short while, at least).

But many workers have just gone through an alcohol-fueled, dining and social experience with people they would rather NOT be trapped on the same planet as. I refer, of course, to the Staff Christmas Party (or Midwinter-Fest Celebration, if you absolutely insist).

This event just might have prompted some thoughts that rank low on the seasonal-goodwill grid. But it IS the season of giving, so here are some last-minute literary gift suggestions for the leaders and colleagues you would prefer NOT to spend 8 hours of every working day with for the next 12 months…

A Christmas Carol

For the boss from hell

A Christmas Carol (abridged)

This version has the wobbly bits with the spirits and the happy ending excised: a training manual for the upcoming boss from Hell (this could be the pushy colleague at the adjacent desk…).

Around the World in 80 Days

For the boss whose travel expenses exceed his/her salary.
Also, for the boss or colleague you would just like to lose sight of for 3 months.

Hypohondria Is An Illness

For the colleague who is off sick at the drop of a hat with no diagnosed medical condition, usually at peak times.

Pause for thought: the late Spike Milligan (a UK comedian) requested the headstone text, “I told you there was something wrong!” It actually appears in Irish, to protect those who don’t get the joke. Ultimate vindication, indeed.

The Lost Weekend

For those who are most often ill on Mondays.

A Brief History of Time

For those not quite managing to arrive before the rush is over, or who miss meetings and deadlines with deadly consistency.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

For those who have forgotten what Christmas is about and have adopted Consumerism as a belief system.

And for the ultimate boss from Hell, there is only one perfect gift – your resignation.

Finally, a brief guide for everyone…

Stop calling it Midwinter-anything, especially if you live in the southern hemisphere
Remember what it’s actually about (if you are uncertain, google it)
Hold onto the thought that visiting family and friends will eventually go home quite soon and keep smiling
Someone, somewhere, would be so grateful for that ill-chosen gifted sweater, especially in a disaster-prone area
On your return to work, smile more: people might be nicer to you if they think you like them and you might be pleasantly surprised when you are next trapped in a lift with them